A Belated Valentine’s Card

February 16th, 2007

Happy Valentine’s

Part 1:

Part 2:

O.K. I know it’s a little late. But like a bad boyfriend I got all kinds of excuses. I was really busy, and had problems. I mean, hey, I’m doing it now, aren’t I? You don’t want it, don’t take it, then. Some video stores wouldn’t even make you a nice video like this. I can’t believe your upset about this. You better not cry, that’s so over the top. Why do you have to make such a big deal about these things, anyways….it’s just some fake holiday, promoted by a greeting card company. Why do I have to TELL you I love you. And I did it anyways. I love you. See. So stop it.

Seriously, I did some technical difficulties, and had to reupload the whole thing today.

Another way I’m like a bad beau, is that I’m repackaging a gift I made for a previous customer base. It’s a rewrap. I chopped this video together for a party we hosted back in 2003, and it’s less collage than mix tape—highlights of different clips that were on my mind at the time (some of them I can’t even remember where I got!). Of course, I couldn’t resist a couple little playful bits a pieces here and there, but the heart of it are really just a selection the longer pieces. Astute observers may notice that the center of it does have a forward moving arch of courtship, from pick-up lines, to kissing, sex, and love. Of course, if I were a girl, the love would probably come after the sex, but hey, it’s a better place to end anyway, right?

Hope you all had a decent Valentines, with minimal relationship disasters and maximal self-esteem.

Your loyal videopimp,

Hadrian

Movie Music Archives #005: “Stereo” & “Crimes Of The Future”

February 15th, 2007

It was quite a big deal to me and all the other film geeks I know that in 2004, the American DVD label Blue Underground released a special edition version of Cronenberg’s “Fast Company” that also included on a separate disc his first two feature films, “Stereo” and “Crimes of the Future”, which up until had never been available on DVD or VHS (”Crimes” actually had been included on the Criterion Collection laserdisc of “Dead Ringers”, but how many people could actually afford the ridiculous prices those players and discs cost way back when?). The two films, while at times boring and slow, both bear the unmistakable Cronenberg stylistic stamp: body horror, vaguely “official” ficitional clinics, and horrendous narrative logic. Don’t get me wrong; I like these two a lot — in fact, “Stereo” just might be my favorite film in the Cronenberg canon altogether.

Both films have no spoken dialogue from the characters; “Stereo”; features just voiceovers from severeal different omniscient narrators, while “Crimes” intersperses short narration snippets with some electronic knob-twiddling and ambient sound effects. In each case, the narration is filled to the brim with pseudo-scientific jargon and detached delivery. Recently, I was able to grab the audio tracks from the two films and make MP3s out of them. While the films both run about 65 minutes each, I’ve condensed the audio tracks to about half that length, because both film feature extended periods of silence in-between the narration as a stylistic choice.

David Cronenberg - “Stereo” (1969, audio track)
David Cronenberg - “Crimes Of The Future” (1970, audio track)

Movie Music Archives #004: “Outland”

February 13th, 2007

Plot outline: A marshal in outer space (Sean Connery) assigned to a remote mining colony refuses to look the other way when miners begin dying from a deadly narcotic designed to increase their productivity (patterned on the film “High Noon”, 1952)”.

We can’t confirm it, but we’re pretty sure that at some point in the pre-production on “Outland”, director Peter Hyams said to everyone else creatively involved “Okay, this film is gonna look and sound EXACTLY like ‘Alien’, capice?” Every single frame is lit and set-designed in such a way that any scene could be spliced into “Alien” and there’d be no jump in continuity, and one of the film’s poster taglines went so far as to proclaim: “Even in space, the ultimate enemy is man”, a play on the “Alien” tag of “In space no one can hear you scream”.

The incredible Jerry Goldsmith did the scores for both “Outland” and “Alien”, and, as with the the visual design, most of the music cues are vitually interchangeable between the two films. Lying in wait on the “Outland” soundtrack, however, is “The Rec Room”, the silly New Wave-y background music for the film’s “strip club of the future” sequence! It’s reminiscent of the music Goldsmith also did for the “nightclub orgy of the future” sequence in “Logan’s Run”.

Jerry Goldsmith - “The Rec Room” (MP3)

Anna Nicole Smith: RIP’d.

February 13th, 2007


Caught this checking out zigzigger’s blog. The new lyrics questionably refer both to Anna Nicole Smith’s “grace” and her “brain”. If I hadn’t seen this on youtube, but seen someone pull this shit live at a karoake bar, I would though I’d seen a new god. Instead, it’s one of the worst videos I’ve ever seen. Context, context, context.

Movie Music Archives #003: “Full Metal Jacket”

February 9th, 2007

Plot outline: You already know about this one…

Somewhere a few months ago, our fearful Cinefile leader Hadrian read the soundtrack album for “Full Metal Jacket” had on it a track where R. Lee Ermey did a boot camp rap over a cheesy ’80s backing beat. Of course we had to hear it right away…

Turns out that it isn’t so much Ermey on the mic than it is dialogue clips from the film layed over said cheesy ’80s backing beat, with a shredding guitar solo in the middle. The music for the whole film is credited to “Abigail Mead”, which is a pseudonym for Vivian Kubrick, Stanley’s daughter. Nigel Goulding is just some studio musician hack, we guess.

In addition to being on the soundtrack album, this song was released on its own as a 12″ single!

Abilgail Mead & Nigel Goulding (w/ R. Lee Ermey) - “Full Metal Jacket (I Wanna Be Your Drill Instructor)” 12″ (MP3)

Movie Music Archives #002: “30 Is A Dangerous Age, Cynthia”

February 7th, 2007

Plot outline: “Rupert Street (Dudley Moore), a piano player and composer, decides to write a musical and marry before he reaches his thirtieth birthday. One minor problem: he’ll be 30 in six weeks…

It’s hard to find a film fan who doesn’t go gaga over Stanley Donen’s “Bedazzled” (1967), which has Peter Cook and Dudley Moore cavorting about as The Devil and a short order cook, respectively. It’s also hard to find a film fan who’s ever sat through all of “30 Is A Dangerous Age, Cynthia”, Moore’s limp follow-up effort (without Cook) that has little of the magic and wit that made “Bedazzled” a classic. While well-intentioned, the film suffers from a cardinal sin: it’s just not funny. The one thing it shares with “Bedazzled” is that it has a wonderful score, composed and performed by Moore himself, mostly comprised of swingin’ instrumental jazz pieces. The winner of the bunch, though, is a witty vocal track called “The Real Stuff”, which makes me wonder why Moore didn’t have a complete and successful alternate career as a singer.

Dudley Moore - “The Real Stuff” (MP3)

New Releases rundown…

February 6th, 2007

LOCAL TALENT:

The Science of Sleep

Michel Gondry’s first narrative feature not written by Charlie Kaufman is a painful confession wrapped in whimsy, and coated in plaster of paris and cellophane. Gabriel Garcia Bernal (Y Tu Mama Tambien, Motorcycle Diaries) plays a young artist/inventor whose sensitivity, creativity, and sensual lips, aren’t enough to win the heart of his neighbor Charlotte Gainsbourg–primarily because he mishandles every major turning point in their emerging relationship. The storyline has the kind of low stakes and personal tone that one expects from microemotional directors migrating through film festivals with Super-16mm films made starring their ex-girlfriends, or former crushes (Bujalaski, anyone?). But Gondry directs music videos, and his visual efflorescence temporarily camouflages the film’s small scale. Unexpectedly, this is where the film may disappoint; the conceit that Bernal can’t distinguish reality from dreams seems false next to the embarassing honesty of the central story, and the visuals are only occasionally striking, and often retreads of stuff he’s done better in the past. But Gondry has some astute observations that took me offguard: primarily, how unattractive we can be when in love. The behavior is mostly believable, though I like to think this is the kind of shit most of us figure out by the time we’re out of college. God, I hope so, anyways. You only act this way once, but Gondry has finally recorded it with his camera, and made it a little harder to forget.

Employee of the Month
All I can say about this Dane Cook workplace comedy is we watched Clerks 2 as a palate cleanser–suddenly Kevin Smith seemed relevant and witty.

Farce of the Penguins
March of the Penguins spoof, with Bob Saget making funny. One of our oldest customers came in while this was on the televsion: “This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen you guys watching.”

Flags of Our Fathers
Clint Eastwood’s Iwo Jima, Part 1, is a cynical examination of hero worship, spending as much time with the after-effects of the flag-raising as with the actual battle.

Flyboys
Director Tony Bill (My Bodyguard) and producer Dean Devlin (Godzilla) come together to bring us a CGI-filled war and glory film about WWI pilots starring James Franco and Jean Reno.

Gridiron Gang
Based on a inspiring true story about teenagers at a juvenile detention center who gain self-esteem by playing football together. Starring the Rock.

The Grudge 2
Takashi Shimizu has now made this movie six times. This is sad, because he’d gotten it right the first time. By now, though, meowing cell phones and creaking monocromatic little-boy ghosts just don’t pack the same punch.

The Guardian
Kevin Costner is Louis Gossett Jr. and Ashton Kutcher is Richard Gere in this Coast Guard redux of An Officer and a Gentleman. This film is also a prequel to Costner’s Waterworld, as evinced by the ending.

Hollywoodland
Surprisingly clear-eyed examination of the mysterious circumstances surrounding the death of George Reeves, TV’s Superman. Ben Affleck as Reeves delivers his best performance to date. Professionally directed by Allen Coulter, who made his name helming a seasons worth of Sopranos episodes. It’s better than the Black Dahlia, the other 2006 L.A., period noir. Plus, it’s got tons of hot chicks in 50’s fashion.

The Marine (UNRATED!)
The first film solely developed by the WWE is an attempt to make an action star out of John Cena, self-proclaimed “Doctor of Thuganomics”, which I guess he picked up at the School of Hard Knocks. Opens with him inflitrating an Al-Qaeda compound in Iraq. And he looks like a steroidical Mark Wahlberg.

Open Season (animated)
In this amiable, expensive cgi animation, a ragtag group of forrest animals sneak into suburbia, and learn some lessons about friendship and family. Oh, hold, it, I think that’s Over The Hedge. In this one,…ah, whatever.

Running With Scissors
Shot in Dysfunctionoramascope!

Saw III
All of your favorite elements are back: Piss-colored lighting! Sharp, oily metal! Dripping black pipes! Torture! And, most importantly, Jigsaw, the supercilious psycho with the philosophical depths of a Korn lyric. Without spoiling the thrilling ending, I’ll tell you that it involves….ten plus minutes of exposition! The horror!

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
The “beginning” is hopefully the end–but horror franchises, like their mass murdering heroes, never really die. Oh, and this is the prequel to the remake, not the original, which was also different than Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation. And, in yet another dimension, the Texas Chainsaw clan use their powers for good by battling crime and protecting wayfarers.

REGION-CODED IMPORTS:

Louis Malle Box Set:

    -Black Moon
    After the controversy surrounding Lacombe Lucien, a serious film about a French collaborator in WWII, Malle decided to make a film impossible to take seriously, and succeeded. This uncharacteristic foray into fantasy and dream logic by the usually down-to-earth Malle is one of those lysergic Alice in Wonderland movies that proliferated in the 70’s (Polanski’s What?, Lemora). Beautifully shot by Sven Nykvist, a blonde hottie (Rex Harrison’s grand daughter, Cathryn) wanders around a world with a literal war between the sexes, talking animals, unicorns, and Joe D’Allesandro.
    -Fire Within
    Malle’s most Bresson-influenced film is about a writer contemplating suicide. Featuring Malle’s muse of the time, Jeanne Moreau. Writer Jean Genet celebrated the film, saying, “Malle has effected something phenomenal, having turned literature into film, photographed the meaning of an unsubstantial, touching and rather famous book, and given its tragic intention a clarity it never achieved in print.”
    -The Lovers
    Along with Elevator to the Gallows, this film is credited with making a star of Jeanne Moreau.
    >-May Fools
    Made in 1990, this is one of Malle’s last films. Set during the May ‘68 student riots, you never actually see them, because the movie is a gentle farce about a family that happens to be out of town at the family’s country home for a funeral. Co-written with Bunuel collaborator Jean-Claude Carriere.
    -Zazie Dans Le Metro
    Made in 1959, Louis Malle’s most “New Wave” film features more film trickery than a gaggle of commercials, prefiguring the zany comedy of Richard Lester. The slender clothesline to hang the various episodes is a day in Paris from the point of view of a 12 year old girl left in the care of her transvestite uncle.

Fried Dragon Fish
An early film by Shunji Iwai (All About Lily Chou-Chou) involving a computer-operator-turned-detective, whose hunt for a stolen fish leads her to a guild of trained assassins, as well as obiquitous heartthrob Tadanobu Asano.

Two Hilarious BBC Spoof Shows

    -Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace
    A note-perfect contemporary parody of low-budget 80’s horror television, complete with cheesy production values, stilted acting, and bargain basement special effects. The series-within-a-series is set at a haunted hospital, with a new monster every week, and its framing sequences are modern-day “reminiscences” by the cast and creators.
    -Look Around You 2
    Another brilliant recreation, this one of 70’s children’s science programs, with absurd weekly scientific explanations of subjects like health (including a facelift by the surgical computer Medibot), music (with a contest judged by the ghost of Tchaikovsky), and sports (with the introduction of gonnis, the sport between golf and tennis).

The Goddess of 1967
From Chinese art director Clara Law (Reincarnation of the Golden Lotus, Temptation of a Monk) comes this tale of a Japanese man who travels to Australia to buy a Citroen DS, a car that was nicknamed “Deessee”, or “Goddess” (hence the title). Once there, circumstances force him to hook up with a 17-year old girl and the two set off across the continent. A road picture with gorgeous cinematography that brings out both the beauty and terror of the Outback.

Memories of Matsuko
This tragic novel, tracing the sorrow-filled life of a Japanese woman, is warped by director Testsuya Nakashima (Kamikaze Girls) into a candy-colored comedy with songs, while still somehow retaining its emotional effect.

Torchwood Season One, Part One
Incredibly disappointing spin-off of the recent series of Doctor Who, with square-jawed bisexual American pilot Captain Jack Harkness taking center stage. He’s the head of an incredibly inept special branch of the government, whose purported mission is to protect the world from aliens and supernatural menaces. The biggest problem is that he and his team are complete buffoons, making every possible mistake in handling crises, and often exacerbating them to the point of ridiculous civilian casualties. And, let me stress this, it’s NOT A COMEDY!!! These are our heroes, and while I can respect the creators for attempting to inject some human failings into their characters, there is a big gap between flawed and completely worthless. Torchwood manages to erase that line.

Two Films by Shane Meadows
Shane Meadows is a regional director from the industrial Midlands of England who favors naturistic acting, sometimes by non-professionals, and hand-held but artful camera work.

    -Twentyfourseven
    Bob Hoskins plays a coach who galvanizes the young men in a working-class own, pulling them away from gangs and into the world of boxing.
    -A Room for Romeo Brass
    The story of two twelve-year old boys and the charismatic older man who has his eye on one boy’s sister.

Letter From an Unknown Woman
Max Ophul’s classic.

“INDIE”:

The Puffy Chair
Back to Andrew Bujalski.

Like in Bujalski’s festival hits Funny Ha-Ha and Mutual Appreciation, the Duplass brothers have fashioned a understated, tragicomic film about the foibles of 20-something relationships using amateur actors, handheld camerawork, and a budget that could be raised from friends and family. The Duplass brothers are more willing to use classic dramatic structure and comedy artifice, with scenes that, beneath rippling shaky surface, are basically well-constructed farce. Bujalski will probably please the connoisseurs more, but The Puffy Chair is that half-step closer to the mainstream that predicts better commercial success. On a smaller scale, its the same phenomena that explains how a band like Nirvana could take the more challenging, but less accessible, music from cult bands like Sonic Youth, and sugar the pill just enough to make it real pop.

There does seem to be an emerging aesthetic of realism here. Since whats “real” is subjective, it doesn’t “really” exist as anything more than a group of conventions that express certain points of view. John Cassavetes’ reality looks awfully different than Eric Rohmer’s; the camera moves around a lot more, and people really freak out. It’s interesting to see how infectious these conventions can be; watching movies in the years after Husbands , like The Last Movie or anything by Norman Mailer, you often see actors doing there best to have the kind of honest raw emotionality of a Cassavetes film, and lots of repetitive, stultifying dialogue. What The Puffy Chair, Bujalski, and even Curb Your Enthusiasm have most in common, is an agreement of acting style. I found myself wondering how much of this was due to the influence of reality television. It’s like a whole generation learned how to act natural watching The Real World.

Wholphin #3
McSweeney’s publishers Dave Eggers and Brent Hoff named their DVD quarterly “wholphin” after a genuine, but rare, hybrid of dolphin and killer whale to emphasize the singularity of their visual magazine. What’s really unusual is a DVD magazine that’s actually good. Issue three keeps up the high quality with amazing selections by well-knowns like Dennis Hopper and Alexander Payne, festival favorites like the Zellner Brothers, and talented unknowns who are probably soon to be known. Also, the second half of Adam Curtis’ Power of Nightmares! Read the rest of this entry »

Sunday Bloody Sunday, and more.

February 5th, 2007


Last Fall this virus was getting passed around (342,000 views last time I checked). For good reason, it’s pretty contagious. I did the minimal research, and it turns out this is part of a longer series of similar videos. He’s a NY DJ, and his proclivity towards beats and blends is a little more obvious in this work, for example:

Movie Music Archives #001: “Fear No Evil”

February 1st, 2007

Plot outline: “High school student turns out to be personification of Lucifer. Two arch angels in human form (as women) take him on.

1981’s “Fear No Evil” is a goofy, slightly strange demonic possession flick notable for its rock and roll soundtrack provided mostly by Sire Records, who at the time had the Ramones, Talking Heads and the B-52’s in its roster. The punk rock theme, though, is shattered completely by the film’s end credits theme song, done by a goofy-ass deep-throated metal band called Trybe, very much in the vein of Saxon or Krokus.

Trybe - “Fear No Evil” end credits theme (MP3)

Everything I Know About Drugs I Learned From The Hollywood

February 1st, 2007

This is a little mash-up of drug use in the movies and on TV — the commonalities, clichés and a few genuinely beautiful moments. Per Hadrian’s request, here are a few words about how I did it. The process involved weeks of watching (or really, scanning through at 8x) over 50 movies, noting down the significant moments of drug use and drug-related dialogue, capturing the footage by hooking up my DVD and VHS players to my mini-DV camcorder (which meant figuring out how to break macrovision [i.e. copy protection] — not hard if you have the right player), importing the footage into Final Cut Pro and editing like a maniac for a week.

I do have a few regrets.

1) Shortly after I finished this pieces, I saw a European-region DVD of Emir Kusturica’s Life Is A Miracle, which features a scene of a gangster snorting a gargantuan rail of coke along train tracks. It would have been amazing to intercut that with the Modern Problems, D.O.A. and Heavy Metal footage.

2) I could have easily turned this into a 30-minute piece, but I was trying to keep it under (or at least close to) five minutes. There was so much great material I couldn’t use: Panic in Needle Park, Sarah: Portrait of a Teenage Alcoholic, Party Monster, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and most especially Chris Rock in New Jack City.

3) I really, really, really wanted to end the mash-up with a clip from that touchstone of Reagan-era anti-drug propaganda, the Just Say No commercial where Dad angrily asks his kid how he got hold of drugs and the kids screams, “From you alright! I learned it from watching you!” I thought it would be a cinch to find, but I could not get my hands on this ad. If anyone has a dub of it (even a really cruddy one), please let me know. I am dying to re-edit the film’s conclusion.