CineFile Video

Happy Valentine’s

Part 1:

Part 2:

O.K. I know it’s a little late. But like a bad boyfriend I got all kinds of excuses. I was really busy, and had problems. I mean, hey, I’m doing it now, aren’t I? You don’t want it, don’t take it, then. Some video stores wouldn’t even make you a nice video like this. I can’t believe your upset about this. You better not cry, that’s so over the top. Why do you have to make such a big deal about these things, anyways….it’s just some fake holiday, promoted by a greeting card company. Why do I have to TELL you I love you. And I did it anyways. I love you. See. So stop it.

Seriously, I did some technical difficulties, and had to reupload the whole thing today.

Another way I’m like a bad beau, is that I’m repackaging a gift I made for a previous customer base. It’s a rewrap. I chopped this video together for a party we hosted back in 2003, and it’s less collage than mix tape—highlights of different clips that were on my mind at the time (some of them I can’t even remember where I got!). Of course, I couldn’t resist a couple little playful bits a pieces here and there, but the heart of it are really just a selection the longer pieces. Astute observers may notice that the center of it does have a forward moving arch of courtship, from pick-up lines, to kissing, sex, and love. Of course, if I were a girl, the love would probably come after the sex, but hey, it’s a better place to end anyway, right?

Hope you all had a decent Valentines, with minimal relationship disasters and maximal self-esteem.

Your loyal videopimp,

Hadrian

If you’ve never seen Poltergeist III before, you’re not missing anything that you can’t get in this 5 minute digest version, composed entirely of characters calling other characters’ names. Of a 98:00 film, I collected five whole minutes’ worth of name-calling. It almost becomes hypnotic after a while–I can only imagine the effect it might have on any audience members named Carol Anne. I think it’s safe to assume, though, that there aren’t too many Tanginas in the crowd.

Now, that’s what I call a REAL war on Christmas!

For those who are curious, the primary source material for this was the Chuck Norris classic, Invasion, U.S.A.. Invasion, U.S.A was released in 1985, just one year after Red Dawn, and similarly concretizes the abstract, paranoid fear of extreme right-wingers that Communists might literally invade the U.S., while somehow managine to make the idea seem even dumber. The Communists, a coalition of Cubans and Russians, choose Florida as their point of entry. For their surprise attack, they strategically decide that their first targets should be the obvious hearts of the United States’ defenses: suburbia, followed closely by the mall. The real reason for this choice is, of course, because they’re adapting an ultra-right wing conspiracy idea that you shouldn’t stay home for the holidays, because that’s when the boogeyman’s gonna come.

Other clips are taken from such fine Christmas films as Batman Returns, Cobra, and Long Kiss Goodnight. I was generally interested in the use the holiday season as a backdrop for action films. In particular, screenwriter Shane Black’s predilection for this trope (he did it in Lethal Weapon and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, as well) was a major inspiration for this piece. Here’s what he has to say about Christmas in L.A.:

“Christmas appeals to me because it’s promised magic, but in L.A. it’s against the backdrop of something that’s very sterile and something not full of goodwill. There’s so little Christmas available, you sort of have to conjure it yourself. The magic is striving to break through. You have to really pay attention to find your Christmas, almost to earn it, which is what the characters have to do.”

Hope you liked the anti-christmas card. I’m planning a sequel, “Christmas Counterstrike”. I’ll let you know. Oh, and if any of you liked it, it would be great if you rated it on youtube, to help get it around.